Next month I will be doing a panel discussion at the Governor's Council on Women and the topic is the art of negotiation. I started my career as a social worker and negotiation is at the core of what we often do with and for the people that we serve. Trying to negotiate services, trying to negotiate with clients to identify their needs and create plans that they will actually follow to improve their lives. Most people think about negotiations like a lawyer around one specific issue. I would argue that we all should think about negotiations in terms of our daily life - work and personal.
Some of you may have heard me say, in a tongue and cheek way, that I think life is all about the accumulation of points. There are some days that you are doing good deeds or favors for others and you are ringing up "good will points” - not that you need something right now, but you know there will be a time when you need something and you can pull on those points, or favors, to be able to get you through a tough time. See, most of us do really well in times of crisis. We can rally and step up and show our best. Sometimes we don't always do well on the day to day.
This week a long time employee was telling me she finds herself on the receiving end of what can only be described as verbal abuse from her colleagues about how they have had enough of "her" demands and they aren't going to do it anymore. When I push to identify who these people are so we can give coaching about our values and culture of caring, she says she isn't comfortable because she has to work with them every day and doesn't want to be seen as "ratting" them out.
This conversation made me so sad at so many levels. Sad that she did not feel like she could tell her colleague to stop yelling. Sad that her colleague was so frustrated that her only tool to manage the stress was to yell. Sad that even after all the discussions about creating a non punitive workplace where we hold each other accountable, we still are uncomfortable doing it, And last but not least, most sad that the child who needed our care was being delayed by our internal issues.
So I will continue to "negotiate" with each of you about creating an environment that allows you to hold each other accountable for the behaviors that we all signed up to uphold when we joined Children's and we will live to fight another day.
Our kids need us.
We must.
18 comments:
Unfortunately, this is happening more than you think. I love CSH and I will continue to work for the families to help them access the best possible care. This is what makes me happy. However, I do find that as we are all spread very thin, with increased workloads, and as hours are being cut, salaries staying the same, and the accumulation of way more responsibilities, this has lead the way for more internal bickering. I have seen more attitudes such as, "that's not my job!" instead of the, "teamwork" attitude. It makes me sad too because I believe that if there more people taking on the teamwork attitude, we could get through a lot of tough times. Negativity has taken over some departments, and it needs to be left at the door. Fortunately, I have a great supervisor that has taught me those corporate values (Lead by example), and I wouldn't trade her for anything. So, maybe this long time employee is asking way too much, maybe she's being unreasonable in her demands, maybe she's not being nice about it. There are always two sides of the story. We can't assume that one side is correct. You may never know, but maybe this person is the one who needs training. Just because a person has been here a long time, you can't assume they are doing things right. Perhaps we need to have more training on "How to handle difficult people" or some regular training that will help open the door to better communication? Fostering an environment of training and education is the key to knowledge, the knowledge of knowing what's right and what is wrong.
That's very disturbing to hear how colleagues are treating each other. Even during the most difficult times, we should all remember to treat others the way we ourselves want to be treated. This really works!
JFK once wrote...We cannot negotiate with those who think, what is mine is mine and what is yours is negotiable.
You must be able to lose a great deal to gain a great deal.
And my favorite, in order to make an omelet, you need to break some eggs...:)
In my experience, people put too much weight focusing on what's theirs. Their selfishness makes them blind to the potential of a good deal and they lack the foresight of what that deal will bring them in the future.
We all need to take a step back, put our egos and self examination away and reasonably approach the discussion with open mind and ears.
I breathe in, what you breathe out.
That's a good place to start.
So what do you suggest we coach staff to say when they identify a leader who is exhibiting these "not so nice" behaviors--especially when we receive the information second hand rather than observing it ourselves? I agree with a previous blogger that there are always two sides to the story. But not every leader in the organization is receptive to feedback about how his/her communication style is perceived. Some staff are also concerned about retaliation if they speak up themselves. This is situation we don't like to think is happening at Children's, but it sadly is.
Thank you for taking the time to comment and ask questions. Let's go back to the Culture of Caring document that is presented at every new employee orientation and has been shared with all employee's. It is located under FAQ's and Documents on the intranet for you to refer to. In those principles, we lay out a couple of important things that can be useful in these circumstances.
The first is "Go directly to the person you have an issue with first." Anonymous says that people fear retaliation or a negative reaction so they dont feel like they can do that. Think about how you would feel if you were having a bad day, snapped at someone you didnt mean to, didn't clean it up, and then someone went to someone else to tell on you? You would have wanted the chance to make it better. It is hard to imagine that a person wouldn't want to hear if they made you feel bad. And likewise, there may be something going on that would give you an entirely different perspective on why that person acted the way they did if you had raised it with them - ie. how would you feel if you were standing in their shoes?
Secondly there is principle "Solve problems but when you can't, ask your Supervisor for help". There are times when you have tried to change people's behaviors and it doesn't work. That is when you go for help. It isn't "tattling", if you have made an honest attempt to resolve this issue but have not been successful.
Lastly, you always have Human Resources, your Senior Leader or me. The one thing that can't happen is for you to tell me and then tell me I can't tell or I can't take action. That negates the entire process of counseling and correction.
One of the posts says this is happening more than I know. If that is true, then the only way is stops is if we work together to make it stop.
I am in, are you?
Have you ever heard someone say the expression..."Nothing for nothing?" Usually, when someone leads off with that I immediately fill in the next blank in my head...Great, you are about to tell me something without value.
I feel the same way about those who would post something as Anonymous. I know this is accepted as a way to vent without repercussion or retaliation but, without your identity what have we learned? That someone feels a certain way about a topic? How does that help to fix what's broke? We work for the most approachable person we could ask for. Someone whose only desire is to have a cohesive team that accomplishes the same goal...do what's best for the kids. That's really the big picture. My only hope is that behind the scenes, you are e-mailing Amy directly with your issues. If you believe strongly that something needs to be fixed, voice the problem proudly. That's the only way it will get on the road to being fixed. Anything else is unproductive. Thanks. Joe
For some reason I'm thinking that this person was not telling the "whole truth". I feel this individual was using this forum to get the bullseye off of their back. I believe this person talks down to people and doesn't use a teamwork approach. There are many sides to a story, only one is the truth.....A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a lot of explanations. -- Saki
Joe sorry to say that we can not post our names because we work in departments that are not that easy to deal with the problems we encounter. I know that you might not believe even Amy too but we do. I love CSh but they are alot of negativity going on in alot of dept. that managers and directors don't care to fix except if they are caught in the mix of it. I keep hearing alot of the times when something happens from my manager and director "it wasn't our problem, it didnt started in this dept. so pass it on to who it affects", so what do you expect employees underneath them to do. They are alot of specialization and favouritism going on in depts. so even if we try to solve what ever issue you have with a person and management have to intervene its like a waste of time. I have seen where a parent had an issue with an employee and madean complaint and management said that they "dont know this person to be like that" to the parent instead of saying "okay im sorry, i'll will speak with this person and we will fix the problem ". I will never post my name or do anything to affect me losing my job because that is how my dept. operates and even if i don't get fired on spot eventually it will happen because they will start to make it a hostile environment for me simply because if others "favourites' don't agree then maybe i am the on with a problem.
If, you really do "love CSH", you will understand that if you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
It's your job to fix it. Regardless of your title, pay grade, whatever.
Any Manager/Director who would take a problem and pass it on rather than take the medicine now, to fix the problem before it reaches epidemic proportions needs to have their positions re-evaluated. Such a directive would have had to come from the top down and we all know how the person at the top feels. She just had 20+ meetings with all the employees she could see, at all hours of the day, weekends included, to hear everyone out, face to face.
If you truly love CSH and aren't witnessing that kind of commitment and dedication from those who lead you, you need to speak up.
You owe it to yourself and those around you.
We are striving to create a culture here where staff feel they can voice their concerns free of any type of retaliation. It is critical to know if people are in fact being retaliated against. Only then will we be able to provide a thorough investigation into the matter.
I've been in the HR field many, many years. I know it can be very difficult for some to come forward and express your concerns toward a co-worker or even supervisor. By telling us your concerns, it doesn't mean that someone will be fired. We need to know so we can change behaviors that may be fueling this feeling of a hostile work environment.
Bottom line - Unless we know, we won't be able to fix it.
"The Art of Negotiation" isn't always easy, or sadly not something we do as often as we should. It's so much better to believe my way is the best way. Awhile ago at my team's weekly planning meeting one of my coworkers kept using my name to make a point. "Even Pat can't do outpatient..." or "Even Pat couldn't handle that. In keeping with my attitude about work, that I can do anything, this hurt me. My style is to keep anything that's bothering me to myself. This time I shared what was bothering me with my supervisor. She helped me verbalize my feelings, figure out a way to express them to the person who had hurt me, and made me call that person to set up a time to talk. We continued to role play how this meeting would go so I wouldn't chicken out, and I'd have words to rely on during the conversation. I would never have imagined I could do something like this. I'm more the suffer in silence type. I had my meeting and my coworker didn't even remember what she had said and had no idea it hurt me. We're now friends and have gone on to do great things together. I couldn't have faced my issues head on without the support I got from my supervisor. "The Art of Negotiation" it is an art. It doens't always come natural but when you can do it it works.
I have a wonderful husband who gives and gives and goes with the flow of our busy life. One time we were at a Friday Night Fever event and staff from the hospital were telling him how great Family Faculty are and all that good stuff, and he commented that he wished I practiced Family Centered Care at home. I couldn't believe he said that. Later we talked and he made me realize I hadn't been very appreciative of all he does I just kept expecting more and more. We talked and things got back on track and I don't take him for granted anymore. I think that kind of thing can happen to us at work too. "The Art of Negotiation" really works - IF- I believe - you listen and pay attention to the little things.
So here are some things that we are doing to help with the issues that have been raised. Some I have mentioned before and were already in the works, others have come from this conversation.
Senior Leadership will be providing lunch and learns through out the coming months, including on how to manage stress and difficult situations, which could of course include examples that were outlined in this blog.
We are reviewing our customer service training to make sure we have included the examples that you have shared of places where you could benefit from extra training.
We have a group that is helping us look at a variety of issues that are before us including improved communication around training and an employee recognition event.
While I know there are always areas to improve, I would ask that we stay focused on the positive as well. We have improved communication and created more opportunities to share information. We have reviewed and updated the entire performance review process, with staff driven imput 3 times in the last 7 years. We will continue to look for ways to improve what we do, as a hospital and an employer. We have teams working throughout the organization, examining ways we can improve what we do and how we do it for both our customers and our staff.
I thank you for your patience as we continue on our journey to excellence and remind you that the journey is always better taken with friends than alone.
Amy
Amy,
I was wondering if you and senior leadership were going to take your "Lunch and Learn" on the road. Before New Brunswick came along it was a nice to see you make an appearance but since NB we only really see you..not so much. Sometimes your kind words that you say often to people when you see them go a long way. I understand you are a busy woman but I think it would be something important for you to consider again.
"Take time to Smell the Roses"
Anonymous - 4/27: Thank you for the suggestion and nice compliments. To answer your question – yes, we are in the process of planning special “lunch and learns” at ALL sites where our VP’s will come out and talk about various topics and answer your questions. Keep an eye on our intranet for a schedule.
Everything sounds really good but I think that there should be an anonymous survey for all departments that ask us to rate our supervisor/director. I think that doing this is a good idea to get any suggestions on the way people may feel. I know first hand on how unfair and rude my supervisor/director is. Yes there are "favorites" in the department and as a person with this position he should always remain neutral to everything. This particular person has in the past and still does let people in on certain things such as special projects, changes that will occur within the department. This person does not ask his "whole" department who might be interested in doing this or let the whole department know. He/she picks and chooses his favorites and will then let us the department as a whole know that a particular person is now in charge of something or will have a different work load that everyone else. I really look up to the senior leadership and know that things need to get done but when a employee such as myself has no say in anything is pretty hard to stay positive and know that what someone else may be trained at I am not because that person was chosen for that particular thing. Then resulting in me not going anywhere or moving forward in my position at CSH, a different department at CSH, or anywhere else because I was not given the same opportunity as other people were. I am pretty sure this is happening in many departments not just mine. I just hope one day you see the real side other people rather than the fake side.
We conduct an anonymous employee satisfaction survey every three years and our next one is scheduled for next year. However, if you ever have a specific issue you should speak with human resources as soon as possible. You have an obligation to deal with issues like this and not let them sit.
As for getting chosen for special projects – I do not know your personal circumstances, however, employees that are chosen for special projects are often employees that we call our “star performers.” Those that have shown continued improvement and gone above and beyond helping to improve the organization. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your director/manager about why you weren’t considered for the special project. Open communication is crucial to your professional growth.
I love working at CSH and the family's and children that I make smile just by caring. I too feel it's very hard to show all the your corporate values if your hard work is not appreciated and you feel you can not go to your superviser for help or to find out why they are not treating you appropriately. They too should practice the Corporate Values!
I hear the theme over again that you can’t go to your supervisor for help - so than the plan is do nothing? I am struggling to get my head around that.
When you run into a roadblock personally or with one of our kids, you wouldn't do nothing and watch the situation get worse. You would ask others for help - ie HR to coach you how to address the issue. You could practice what you wanted to say. You could outline what the challenges are and whether there are things you could do to make improvements.
So often I find that my biggest challenge is that I am so concerned with what is upsetting me or how I feel aggrieved, that once I put myself in the other person's shoes, it allows me to see things more clearly and maybe come up with a different strategy.
I get it that I can be straight forward and maybe too direct at times but it’s really frustrating to hear people complain about a situation when they’re not doing anything to help fix it. I am sorry - I am not buying the “suffer in silence.” You and the others who have posted about this issue need to take ownership in helping us all solve these issues. It’s not productive for you to make the complaint, not give me enough information to do anything about it but expect that we can miraculously make it all better. I think you have seen that even when we don't agree on things, a fair hearing will be given and we will try to make it better. I am willing to do my end but you have got to step up.
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