So now that we are into August, here is my not so secret, secret (mainly because I have been finding a way to tell everyone I can): I am going to turn 50 this month! I am thrilled and astounded by this fact. Let’s start with astounded first.
I can remember when my father turned 50. He was a BEAR! He was furious at being “so” old. He didn’t want presents or a cake and he was just – in my words – depressed. Now at age 85, he would give ANYTHING to be 50 again! That lesson is vivid in my mind, so I decided I was going to fully embrace this passage of time and try take 2014 (9 months before my birthday and 3 months after) and find ways to do great things with people who have been a significant part of those 50 years.
January 2014 began with my best friend from college and me running a half marathon together in Key West, Florida. This was significant because I had never run before I got to college and now I do it almost every day. She and I ran together while at college, but it was only after college that we both started focusing on our technique and running further distances. We had a wonderful time together – even though my race was not even close to my personal best. But that wasn’t the point. We were able to celebrate our 32 years of friendship and count blessings of all we have gone through together.
As soon as I got home, another dear friend ─ also an only child ─ watched her mother go from perfectly healthy to gone in weeks. This same friend had lost her father to lung cancer 2 years prior and her Mom had really held her own, even though she missed her husband every day. She had been treated by a local hospital for pneumonia but she wasn’t getting any better.
We finally took her to RWJ where they discovered she had an aortic aneurysm, and without open heart surgery she would die. The masterful surgeon explained the risks of the surgery (paralyzed) and the time for recovery (8 months). Her mother decided that she had been blessed with 78 years and wasn’t going to have the surgery. She died within 48 hours. It was a tremendous gift to me to see someone who was so clear about what she wanted and it was our job to honor her wishes. It was a lesson of courage that left me sad at the loss and reminded again about personal strength and determination.
I ran the first race ever for charity, and of course it would be for Children’s Specialized. Another half marathon. This one I ran as a tribute to the children we serve, and how blessed I am to work with each of you and do work that is so meaningful.
You have heard me say that I have the best job in the world and this was a small way to acknowledge my “work” as a blessing.
This Spring I was privileged to be inducted in the NJ Business Hall of Fame. It was very significant to me to have both of my parents, my colleagues, and board members with me that evening. What was especially poignant was I asked my priest, Rev. Karin Mitchell, to introduce me. I wanted people to know that you could have a deep faith, whatever your religious background, and still do great work in the business community. And that often your faith is the strength you get from the things that you do outside of work—that influence your decisions and help you face the struggles of the changing business environment.
Last month I was asked to meet with a group of women leader’s in health care. We were brought together for 2 reasons – 1) to begin work on our personal legacy and 2) to identify how we can humanize the delivery of health care to have a partnership of healing and health. Many of the women in the group were a little bit older than I and what I saw frightened me. At age 60, they were still questioning whether they had done enough, both at home and work. Some were not at their ideal health and others were facing major life decisions as they found themselves not wanting to end their career as they are now.
It shocked me.
It went right back to how much time people (but especially women) spend wasting worrying about not doing enough, or beating themselves up because our expectations about what is possible are just not achievable. We each continue our own journey ─ together and separately on both legacy ─ but it set the tone for me for how I want to enter 50.
I know now that life isn’t perfect. Bad things do happen to good people and the only thing you can control is your reaction to those things. When you start from the premise that people are trying their best, then generally your reaction, the outcome, and interaction will be better.
The most important thing I am going to embrace: I may not have lived my life the way I thought I would when I was 20, but I have been blessed with a family who loves me, a wide range of friends who make me better, and I work with people whom I learn from every day about working harder than you could imagine, the courage to keep trying new and different things, and the compassion to enter into families’ lives as a partner to help them and help their children.
It is all good.
My thanks to all of you for what you do for our kids and what you have taught me.
A birthday blessing.
