Worrying solves nothing

I work very hard at not worrying about things I can’t control, and yet I still have more sleepless nights than not. After a night full of watching the clock, I received this e-mail from Nancy Panarese, the parent of one of our patients – Christian Panarese. It was the perfect reminder to me, that everyone  can be taught a lesson from sources where it is  least  expected

Hi Amy-

I hope all is well. Again I find myself e-mailing you about Christian. He is a sophomore, and yesterday his class read an article in the paper about worry and how people worry about everything from what clothes to wear for the day to Ebola and world war. When Christian was asked what he worries about he said, “Well, I only have half a brain so I am too busy living my life and enjoying my life to worry about other things that might or could happen. I take every day as it comes and I am happy every day.”

As usual, the class and teacher were silent. I found this all out because the teacher e-mailed me the conversation that happened in class. Our children are so wise. They never stress about the little things. Thanks for listening to me brag again.

- Nancy Panarese

Powerful, right? Have you been taught lessons from a place you least expected it?

Never burn bridges, and other life lessons

I have been a member of the State Chamber of Commerce for the last nine years. In May of 2016, I will be assuming the Chair of the State Chamber – the first person ever from a non-profit organization and the second woman to serve. Deep breath. 

Every year the organization rents an Amtrak train, yes an entire train, where business leaders and elected officials travel to Washington, DC together and then attend a huge dinner.  It’s kind of a to-do in New Jersey politics and business leaders. 

Myself with Governor Chris Christie

The entire function is a chance for me to get face time with elected officials and for business people a chance to network. There are usually about 1,000 people at the dinner and at least 700 people on the train.

Beth Anne Dobosh (Dir. of Corporate Foundation Relations, Foundation) joined me this year for her first trip. I am very proud (and impressed) of her for walking all 13 cars of the train to introduce herself and talk about the amazing work we do at Children’s Specialized Hospital and the Foundation. As I made my way through the train, everyone kept saying to me “I just met your colleague.” It was great that she was working so hard to make the most out of the trip.

One funny thing Beth Anne said to me was, “I had no idea that so many people outside of your Children’s Specialized world feel the same way we do about you.” It is funny right – you are only seen in the world that people know or knew you.

The people you grow up with from a young child will always see you as that kid or teenager. The people you worked with early in your career still see you as a young staffer.

I always say that since I worked for Governor James Florio at the age of 20, he stills see me as the 20-year-old who worked for him in Washington, DC.

You may no longer be at those points in your life, but it is your entire life that brings you to where you are today – good, bad, or indifferent. Who you are today is a compilation of your experiences. They may not define you, but you will continue to take lessons from every experience you’ve had and change ever so slightly.

On the train trip I did a TV interview. Steve Adubato asked me about the lessons I learned throughout my career. 

Myself and Steve Adubato on the train.

I told him, “Never burn a bridge – you never know when your path will cross that individual again.” And it’s true; you just never know when you will need to have that relationship.

So what about you – are there lessons you learned from you work experience at Children’s Specialized or other places that you worked that you bring with you?

Unexpected Gifts

Thursday of last week was a particularly difficult day. It was what I call a "three-fer". I had committed to too much on my schedule, I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be and it was a 200 mile day driving myself all over the state. So you know what happens, I don't sleep the night before, fretting that I am not ready for all of it, having those repeating comments in my head which alternate between why didn't I prepare more? And you are a loser for not being at the top of your game. Neither thoughts are helpful in getting the sleep I need for what will end up being a 15 hour work day.

So, I get through my first meeting. Gave my presentation and hit it out of the park. Late to the next conference call and had to leave early. I didn't really fulfill my duty as I should have on the call but was able to skate.

Jumped in the car, late, to drive 51 miles and needed to arrive in 57 minutes. You are getting the picture right? Get to location for the speech that I was still changing the slides during the previous conference call. Speech is to 100 really smart people, on the future of health care in NJ.

And it happens.

I get my cadence. I never played team sports because I was the nerd, but I imagine that is what the sensation is like - when you just know there is nothing that is going to slow you down. It was a home run.

At the end of the speech, a woman was waiting to see me. She said " I heard you give a speech in 2004 with similar themes, including about knowing how to define the end of life,” the woman said. "Within 6 months of you giving that speech, my 88 year old mother entered the hospital and the doctors started talking about opening her chest for cardiac surgery and that she would be able to survive on a vent I heard your voice. You said – ‘you need to love them enough to celebrate their lives instead of fighting their deaths.’ She died peacefully the next day and I wouldn't have done that if I hadn’t heard you speak."

There is a reason we are sent on certain days to do certain things - even when we don't know it at the time. My guess is that this has happened to you before - a gift that comes when you need it the most and expect it the least.

Do you have any similar stories?

What I Know Now... Life Lessons

Have you ever read of those "Oh my god books?" The one that you think the author was actually looking in your head and stole your thoughts? My latest is, "What I know now" edited by Ellyn Spragins. This short read is a compilation of letters written by very successful women to themselves. They are writing at the point in time when they were most in need of advice. So the women, give that advice, in the form of a letter “to their younger self.”

This year, I will be 43. I remember that there was a time in my life - probably the age of many of you - that I thought 43 was SO OLD! Here is what I know now - the things I thought would literally prevent me from living the life I had all planned out - the toughest things - not having children, getting divorced, losing a job.

Here's what I know now - you live through all of it. Just like the kids who end up in our care - the worst things happen, the unthinkable and whether you want it or not - the sun is going to come up tomorrow. Always. And you will be left to have the courage to figure out whatever situation you are presented with. I wonder whether at 30, would the book have talked to me in the same way - I am not sure - some things only come with age. But if the book can talk to you and help you see what a tremendously wonderful person you are and how much you have to offer, whatever is going on in your personal and work life, then it is all good.

I highly recommend this book - it shows you great insight into some of the most amazing people of our time (Cokie Roberts, Queen Noor, Beverly Sills, Pikaboo Street and more) and shows you at their darkest moment - the thing they needed to remember was that they had more than they knew, and that they needed to listen to their inner voice.

I would love to know what you think of the book.

Have you ever had a “What I Know Now” moment you’d like to share?
Maybe a family move that changed everything for you?
Or maybe a life style change that catapulted you in a new direction?